The Random Ramblings of Me. I Rock.

2005-06-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

Scientists on the verge of inventing human cloning so we don't have to go through the laborious task of screwing each other

It's true! The wonderful scientists around the world are putting millions of dollars into a project that'll put contraception companies out of business forever. Star Wars geeks around the world will be overjoyed!! Speaking of Star Wars geeks, I'd like to add...What the hell goes on in their heads? Going crazy over a crappy franchise like star wars is like drinking non-alchoholic beer. And worst of all, with the introduction of cloning, we can now make MORE star wars geeks!

Here's a story I wrote about cloning.

One day, right, some random guy called Archibald went to the dentist's. And the dentist was like, "mwahaahaa, die, evil loser, die!!"

"What the hell?"

"Whoops, I forgot to take my medication. Anyways, sit down while I, (mwahaahaa,) umm....check up on you...mwaahaahaahaaahaaaaaaa..."

Anyways, Archibald was a little freaked out, but he had to get his teeth checked because his employer was obsessed with really shiny sparkly teeth and anyone with plaque would be taken outside and shot. Archibald worked in a high school. So he sat down, and he was like, "well, dude, right, what are you gonna like, do to me? All I like, want, like like, is to like, have my teeth cleaned..."

"Mwahaahaa, don't worry, I'll clean your head for you..."

"Teeth".

"Head".

"Teeth".

"Listen up, you little earthling punk, who's the one with the degree in English Literature?"

"Uhhh.....What does English Literature have to do with teeth?"

"Just sit the hell down and let me clean your head!"

"No."

"If you don't, I'll clean some other part of your body out for you..."

"Fine, you're the one with the degree in English Literature..."

"Say what?"

This continued for a while and in the end the evil dentist whacked him with one of the little cheap bouncy balls he normally gave out to little kids after they'd survived his treatment and blinded him with one of those huge annoying lights they have on the ceiling. He then went to work. (Dun dun duuun!!!)

I'll spare you the exact details, but the dentist dude ended up castrating poor Archibald and he gave the...leftovers...to the most evil woman in the world...Janet Venus. (Based on someone. If it wasn't based on someone I'd've given her a far more colourful name.)

Anyways, Venus accidentally cloned Archibald, (who just happened to be a Star Wars geek,) 116,879, 548, 766 times over and everyone in the world died because George Lucas couldn't produce crappy star wars merchandice fast enough to satisfy them all and they became suicidally depressive. THE END!!!

2005-06-21T04:41:00.000-07:00

I'm a loser. Are YOU?

Yes. It's true. I'm a loser. I'm a loser pelican. Are YOU a loser? Take this quiz and find out!!

Give yourself 1 point for every time you have ever:

Sharpened 5 pencils before class just to have your 5 year old kid sister break them because you're a loser.

Listened to and enjoyed the scripting in Star Wars.

Paid money for music you could have downloaded off the internet for free.

Paid money for software you could have downloaded off the internet for free.

Sent a kid to an orphanage even though you could have gotten good money for it on the black market/Ebay.

Lost.

Gotten 100% on a loser test.

Had your parents yell at you/your friends ignore you/some random guy beatyou because you're a loser.

Accidentally destroyed your house.

Decided that Frodo isn't a freak.

Been abducted by aliens.

Taken hair tips from a female character in Star Wars.

Wiped your hard drive while trying to download a crack version of a freeware product.

Not pointed out to the teacher that he/she is bull____ing.

Gotten an honourable mention in the Darwin Awards.

Read my blog.

Add up the points, and if you actually bothered to do that you're officially a loser. Congratulations!!! You have joined the ranks of loserness!!!

Here, since you asked, (*cough*), let me tell you a little story about losership. The other day, right, my sister, Killer, (Killz for short,) pointed her finger at me and laughed because I was such a loser. I got mad because I didn't like her pointing her finger at me and laughing, but she knew I couldn't do anything to her because I'm such a loser. Then she took my spot on the couch and watched Titanic, (a really really crappy movie, by the way; if you liked Titanic you're a loser). Then I was like, "hey, you can't just do stuff like that! You have to treat people equally! Live together and peace out!!" And she threw a hot dog at me. "It's because I'm black, isn't it? You're discriminating!" At that point she look at me, said "you're not black, loser", and threw another hot dog at me. I don't like hot dogs. And I'm not black. But she's still discriminating. Then my parents came home and yelled at me because I'm a loser.

If you're a loser, I'd approve if you died. You're stealing my spot. >=(

:)

Willard the Loser Pelican

2005-06-21T03:04:00.000-07:00

Hello. My name is Willard the Loser Pelican, and this here blog shall be the best one in the history of the world because I just happen to rock. It's true! Today I saw some loser blowfish walk down the road, and when I stopped to give him what little change I had on me because he was a lesser mortal he recognised my greatness and ran away, yelling "get away, FREAK!!!" Coincidence you say? Like hell. Stay tuned for some more exciting tales and my philosophy on life!!

:)